Thursday, November 7, 2013

Maturity (or What I Gave Up?)

Image from the Internet
Maturity is perhaps a strong word filled with connotations that are likely to ruffle feathers in some, especially in the context I am using it. To wit...

I am a geek at heart and there is nothing to be done of it, nor do I wish for a cure-all or balm. I embrace it, as I have done for the past 30 years or so. The issue arose within me as a defect, however, when I spent far too much time pursuing role-playing games (eg D&D) and not in the faithful pursuit of career or education. Add to the mix an unhealthy dose of video games and other ultimately trivial distractions and it was a recipe for immaturity, irresponsibility, and plain old (and ugly) laziness.

I write this as a 42 year old male, married, and the father of two teen-age children. Technically these children biologically belong to another and I am but a step-parent. I often wonder if I was the biological parent, and had been present since their birth, if it would have forced in me a change of behavior and set me on a different course. An idle musing, to be sure, without answers.

The point remains that I was not the man for them as I should have been, but my ever-patient wife braved a marriage and frankly, I have let her down these past 10 years. Certainly, there have been attempts, halfhearted as they were, to improve myself. There was always an excuse.

I have no more excuses. I do not want to find new ones. I want to change in all sincerity for her, and for my children, to be the best version of myself. I have come to the obvious and long over due conclusion that I must mature.

Maturity means, for me at least, that I must put down the games. Find different, productive, and enjoyable ways of expressing my Genesis-like need to create. Ways in which are not just productive for me, but yields tangible results for my family. This is what I mean by maturity.

And in maturing, sacrifices must be made. Yet...they are not sacrifices if the process makes you a better man. And I hope to be a great man.

-Brent

"The price of greatness is responsibility" - Winston Churchill



Posted by at
Labels: